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Just learned how to ride a bike…

August 4th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Just learned how to ride a bike...

Yup, I “got back on the horse” as they say. Except in this case, the horse is a bike. Confused? I am!

After 19 years of eschewing biking in favor of walking and driving, I went to work on a Sunday to try my hand at riding a bike. When I was seven, I was riding my bike in the backyard when I fell into the swimming pool. Despite being in many situations where biking would be advantageous - schooling in Davis, walking between Google buildings, living in San Francisco - the horror of that incident prevented me from ever riding again. Until now!

Actually, everything after the pool incident is not true. I just never felt like riding a bike again, and after a certain age it was just embarrassing to say I didn’t know how to ride a bike anymore. But after a minute and half on a Google beach cruiser on Sunday, I was back at it like a pro. A wobbly, uncertain pro.

I want to get to the point where I can bike to work, between buildings, for “leisure”, and other such green activities. But riding around in an empty parking lot is still a bit away from dodging traffic, crossing intersections, and carrying a MacBook Pro on my bike. Soon, I shall get there.

But not everyone has been so supportive.

Roshan: no one can really focus on congratulating me on my accomplishment of riding a bike this weekend. they seem to only be focused on the fact that i didnt know how to ride a bike until now

Naj:HAHAHA
well i mean
it’s worse than yune not knowing how to swim

Roshan: its not worse!
take it back!

Naj: i have to be true to myself
it’s definitely worse
it’s not like yune could swim from building ot building
or swim to work from home

Russell Peters on Leno

July 1st, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Sharing for the bit on Indian men holding pinkies

The Massage and The Undergarment

July 1st, 2008 | 2 Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Last month I went for a massage at a spa in Hyderabad called Latitudes. Google has a deal with this spa so we get a discount on full body massages, and the other expats make it a frequent weekend destination. On this Saturday, I went with a couple of other expats who had been before, but it was my first time.

I haven’t had too many full body massages before, only ones at Google Mountain View and in Thailand, all by women. But at Latitudes Hyderabad, men get men masseurs and women get women masseuses. I was not looking forward to this at all, but I trusted that since the other expats were comfortable with it I would be too.

The facilities are really nice and clean, like a normal day spa. They started out by giving me a bundle of things to change in to and leading me to a dressing room. The bundle included a large cloth robe, paper slippers that you normally find in Asian hotel rooms, and a plastic bag that contained with what can best be called a paper undergarment.

It was on this last point that I stopped in the dressing room and was bewildered. I opened up the plastic bag and removed this horrific undergarment with a big “WTF?” look on my face. They wanted me to wear this? and only this?? The best description I can come up with is that it is two triangles connected by a very thin string that goes around the waist. Also, the two triangles are the same size in front and back. I can’t imagine why this was necessary or how it would even make one feel that they were being, ahem, contained, but after putting it on I immediately took it off and said “hell naw!” I know the only person who would see me in it was the (male) masseur and me, but that was enough. I put my boxers back on, wrapped myself in the robe, and shuddered that such a thing existed.

The dude walked me to the massage room, which looked like a normal massage room and had a bed, chair, counter, etc. He washed my feet in rose petals and water and asked me to disrobe and get on the bed. Now, when I get my massage at Google MTV, the massage therapist said I could leave my boxers on or take them off, and she left the room as I got on the bed and put a sheet over myself. But this guy just stood there as I took off my robe.

Dude: “Sir, you did not wear the undergarment?”
Me: (Thinking) Oh shit, is that a problem. Be cool…
Me: “No, I prefer this”
Dude: “Ooooook sir, noooo problem”
Me: (Thinking) haha, I should have said I am wearing it underneath my boxers

So I get on the bed and he starts to massage my back. But it was really awkward in there because there was no music - not even Enya! - so it was really just me and him. And he kept talking to me, like “where are you from?” and “where do you work?” Now, I have a feeling that in India when you’re a non-Indian expat, they don’t pepper with you as many questions. But if you’re ethnically Indian, they want to know all about you. When you have barely any clothes on and just want to relax, it’s not fun.

Finally he turns on that new age massage music so I didn’t have to listen to him talk and he lights some lavender oil lamp that smells nice. He moved to my legs and massaged the back of my thighs. You know how when someone squeezes your thigh it is really ticklish but also painful. This was like that times 10. I turned back to say that it really hurt, and he was like “Yes sir, it because you sit at a computer all day and it is tense” and keeps going. Normally, if you tell a massage therapist that something does not feel good, they stop! He just goes at it harder!

I protested again but he kept going because of course he knew better than me about my own body and what I like. And oddly in India, when you get a massage, they go up the leg enough for it to be uncomfortable. Aaaalmost like the episode of Friends where Chandler goes to Joey’s tailor to get measured. I’m just saying that if this guy had gone another inch, I was gonna punch him in the face.

Later I turned over so he could get my arms, and the dude is just staring at me the whole time. Every time I open my eyes, there is his big face staring at me. So of course I kept my eyes closed.

After he finished up my body, he asked if I wanted a face massage and I was like “no no nope.” So he just finished with a scalp massage that was the worst thing ever. He kept doing the thing they hit your head, and I have no idea how this is supposed to feel good other than that it felt good when he stopped hitting me.

Afterwards, he lead me to the sauna room. It was over 100F outside and a sauna really is the best thing to sit in… if you want to pass out. I got lightheaded after two minutes and made my way to the shower.

Since they oftentimes give you comment cards in India at restaurants and hotels, when he gave me mine as I was waiting for my friends, I just wrote “Let us have a choice between a man and a woman. Please do not talk during the massage.” I wonder how that’s gonna go…

Obviously I haven’t been back, but I am contemplating it just to get a picture of the undergarment (not on me!) so I can prove to you that it exists.

Massages by men FTL!

Horribly Wrong is an Understatement

June 19th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Some quotes are great regardless of context:

So here is where things go horribly wrong. He asks to use the bathroom. I hesitated, because I am very protective of my cleanly home - but thought I had to be gracious. After being in there for twenty minutes - he emerged with the most horrible stench of poo escaping throughout my home. In an attempt to disguise my disgust…

[via Consumerist]

My Lakers Curse

June 6th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Things haven’t gone so good for the Lakers when I’ve been out of the country:

  • In 2002, I was studying abroad in China when Chick Hearn died. He was the voice of the Lakers and no announcer comes close in being as good. The Lakers haven’t won a title since.
  • In 2003, I was in India when I turned on CNN and saw Kobe giving a press conference with his wife. Also, around that time I found out that we signed Karl Malone, my absolute most hated player to ever step onto the court. So you had the worst thing that could possibly happen, and a rape accusation. Grrreat.

So since I’m India again right now, I’m going to have to give a preemptive apology in case anything happens to Stu Lantz, or Pau Gasol gets deported, or Donald Sterling buys the Lakers, or Kobe rapes someone else. Allegedly.

I’m just hoping that this is the worse thing to happen to the Lakers this post-season:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG05uorzl2Q]

Master Of My Domain

May 18th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Contemplating a new domain name as I’ve been tired of this one for a few years. Problem is that the one I want isn’t available in the .com TLD, so it might have to be a .org. Yuck.

Complicating things is that I use Google Apps for Your Domain on this account to create GMail accounts for separate web signups. It’s going to involve a lot of change of email addresses. Luckily I still use a vanilla GMail account as my personal account, so I don’t have to worry about anyone not updating their address book.

Seriously, the people who have the domain I want registered aren’t even really using it. It redirects to another site. Gah!

Singapore Layover

April 17th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

On the way to the 3 month stint in Hyderabad, India, I had a 15 hour layover in Singapore which I planned to use to feast on that country’s culinary delights and get some good use out of the new camera.

I landed in Singapore around 5:30am on April 2nd after having left LAX on the evening of March 31st. That’s right, I missed April Fools Day and didn’t get a chance to use the “hey, I’m quitting to go to Facebook” prank on my coworkers that I thought would be so witty. Maybe next year, but replace Facebook with Twitter/Yelp/FriendFeed. So I landed in Singapore, went through customs (no problems there), and checked my carry on bag into storage so I wouldn’t have to carry it around with me (it only costs a couple of bucks and seemed pretty safe).

My plan was to hit the ground running, er subway-ing, to try to check out Little India, Chinatown, Orchard Street, the waterfront area, etc. I knew I wanted chili crab, fish head curry soup (apparently there are Indian and Chinese versions), a Singapore Sling cocktail at the Raffles Hotel where it was invented, etc. But what I really really wanted was something I saw on Anthony Bourdain’s show: sup tulang

Seetoh’s guide pointed me to Haji Kadir-M. Baharudeen’s stand in the Golden Mile Food Centre as being the apex of sup tulang (bone soup), an Indian Muslim dish popular at the end of Ramadan fasting. For lunch, I found myself clumsily manhandling a sticky, slippery yet utterly wonderful heap of sauce-dripping bones, all the while wishing I’d wrapped myself in a dropcloth. The red mutton bones, stewed in a spicy sweet chili, tomato and mutton stock, arrived with a useless fork, a spoon, a little cabbage and some fried bread slices to mop up the sauce. The idea, apparently, was to pick up the bones with your fingers and tap them repeatedly until the buttery marrow slid out. [nytimes.com]

I mean, right? For anyone who has seen that episode, you know how messy and delicious that looks. I had to have it.

There are a few options for getting around Singapore that I had looked up before I left: Singapore Airlines offers a guided bus tour around the city, and there is the subway, which is supposed to be one of the best in the world. My coworker told me that in the bus tour, they take your passport and you can’t leave the group the whole time. Also, you don’t get a customs stamp - so that was totally a no go. When I got down to the subway, the ticket machine didn’t take bills larger than S$10, and I only had a 20 from the ATM. I went back up to the visitors booth where I was told there was another free city bus sponsored by Singapore where they just drop you off in Little India and pick you up later in the day at Suntec Towers. It’s free and you get to explore on your own, so I opted for that.

Unfortunately, the bus didn’t leave until 8am so I had a couple of hours to kill. I decided to plan my day by creating a Singapore Map in Google Maps that outlined all of the great food I wanted to eat. Pretty nerdy I know.

I got to Little India around 8:30am and wanted to start my day with a fish head curry soup. Then I saw what fish head curry soup looks like and decided to pass. It was like a big ass head in a bowl! Since I was gonna be going to India anyways, I decided to pass on the whole area and try to get to the bone soup place.

I cabbed it over to the Golden Mile Food Centre where the stand is located. Unfortunately, the cab driver dropped my off across the street at the Golden Mile mall or some junk. I spent a half hour walking around inside this mall lost, and it was hella sketchy in there. I finally found the right place over a pedestrian bridge in this multi-story open air food stand structure. By this time, it was about 9am. And at 9am, the bone soup is closed. Crap.

It’s not like there are sign with hours posted up either, so I walked around the area for a bit looking for a snack since I hadn’t eaten since breakfast on the plane. I found a small outdoor Chinese stand that served laksa, another dish I wanted to try in Singapore. I ordered a small since I wanted to save room for the bone marrow later. A small was S$2 and a large was S$3, and in retrospect I should have gone with a large because it was so damn tasty.

Once you’ve had laksa — a spicy Peranakan (Chinese/Malaysian) noodle soup — for breakfast, bacon and eggs become completely inadequate. It usually consists of seafood, rice noodles, fried bean curd, coconut milk and lots of chilies. The word “laksa” is said to have come from the Sanskrit word for “many,” referring to its many ingredients, but it might as well have referred to its many versions. The one at Sungei Road, though less fiery than the Borneo variety, is still a spicy hellbroth of fresh cockles, slices of fish cake and beehoon noodles in coconut milk, seasoned with garlic, red chilies, belacan (dried shrimp paste), lemongrass, galangal root and turmeric. It’s a classic “hurt so good” experience, requiring only a spoon — and a towel to mop the sweat from your face. [nytimes.com]

That’s a pretty great and accurate description! It was delicious, and I have a feel I’ll never find it in the U.S. because I’ve never seen it anywhere there before. But for my next layover in Singapore, it is a must.

I walked around the area a bit more waiting for the bone marrow stand to open and came across this mosque. Decided to take some pics to try out my camera skills.

I should mention that it was now around 10am, and the weather was surprisingly pleasant. I expected humidity and, being 100 miles from the equator, tons of sun, but it wasn’t so bad. Yet.

After going back one more time to the bone marrow place, it looked like it wasn’t gonna open for a while. I decided to call it quits on that dream and head somewhere else.

From looking at the map, the Esplanade area didn’t look too far. While most people recommended taking the subway everywhere, walking wasn’t too bad. Sure it got hotter throughout the day, and if I lived there I would probably take the subway, but walking is totally doable. Plus, I was able to get a refreshing soy milk on the way.

The next few hours were pretty uneventful. Walked around some malls, walked around outside. By noon, the sun was killing me. I was getting bored and my MacBook Pro battery was running low. So I looked up the Google Singapore address and cabbed it over.

The Google office is in a newer building in a business/financial area. I asked the receptionist where to go, and she was very quick to call someone to show me around despite my objections. I should mention that I had just gotten off a 17 hour flight and spent 8 hours walking around the Singapore heat, so I just wanted to be discreet, grab a drink, and power up. Not gonna happen. Another (attractive) Googler came out to greet me and took me to the room where more (attractive) Direct Sales Googlers sat. Yes, it was just one room, and I walked in and was announced “This is Roshan from the Mountain View office!” so of course I was the center of attention. Did I mention I felt gross at the time? How embarrassing!

When everyone realized I was in Online Sales and Operations, they took me to the OSO room across the hall where the same thing was repeated. I caught up on emails, charged my MBP up, and chatted with some people about Singapore and Hyderabad. After a couple of hours, I left to continue exploring the city. Thanks Google Singapore for hosting me for those 2 hours and being incredibly nice and welcoming :)

The rest of the day I crossed some more things off the list. I had a Singapore Sling at the Raffles Hotel, where the drink originated.

I should mention that at S$26, it is completely not worth it. What a ripoff! and it was gross!

There is a giant art theater in Singapore inspired by the might durian. It actually looks really amazing in person.

The durian influence didn’t stop there, as apparently, people must be reminded to not eat it in taxi cabs.

I headed back to the airport around 5pm. I was exhausted, sweaty, and ready to get to Hyderabad to get to my new home for 3 months.

If you have a long layover in Singapore, I recommend the laksa. I wanted the chili crab, but the one place I found was really expensive, so try to do some research before you go. I was disappointed I didn’t get to eat as many good things as I planned, but I had fun overall and felt like I saw a lot. I wouldn’t really plan a vacation around going to Singapore, but it’s a fine place for a layover or to make a hub if you’re visiting different areas in Asia. Also, I’m glad I brought my trusty Google CamelPak water bottle - you can easily find drinking fountains to fill up, and you absolutely need to stay hydrated in that heat. I think I had at least 4 bottles of water that day.

For the rest of my pics:

At the Taj Mahal

April 12th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.



At the Taj Mahal

Originally uploaded by Roshan V


Hyderabad [Google Maps]

April 6th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.



Hyderabad [Google Maps]

Originally uploaded by Roshan V

I created a Map on Google Maps of where I’m living and working for next few months in Hyderabad.

I Know That A–hole Knows What A Vegan Is

March 6th, 2008 | No Comments | Posted in randumbness by Roshan V.

Guest Lecture Series: I Know That A–hole Knows What A Vegan Is

And, most all, I know that asshole [Roger Clemens] knows what a vegan is.

You may have found it a bit silly when Congressman Bruce Braley asked Clemens if he had ever been a vegetarian or a vegan. But I think Clemens’ answer gives us a perfect look at his complete and utter disingenuousness.

“I don’t know what that is. I’m sorry.”

Oh, really? No clue what a vegan is? This from a gentleman who played in New York City FOR SIX YEARS? He’s never even heard the term? I’m sorry, but that is bullshit. The man is 45 years old and has never seen that term used on a restaurant menu, or on a TV show, or in a magazine, or on the news, or in a movie, or at AT&T Park in San Francisco, for God’s sake? No teammate ever joked about vegans with him?

My ass.

Look, I’ll give you that veganism is a fairly new phenomenon. But it’s not some underground movement, like mopery. Vegans have been out there prominently since the 90’s. We even have them in Congress. Barney Frank gave me a taste of stir fried tempeh the other day. I thought it tasted like a particularly nutty bowel movement, but I lied and told him it was delicious. There are vegan actors, too. Familiar with little actress known as ALICIA SILVERSTONE, Mr. Clemens?

Your story is unraveling faster than a vegan family rehearsal dinner at Ruth’s Chris.